Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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