I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize