lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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