Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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