A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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