if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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