Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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