Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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