Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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