a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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