I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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