my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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