so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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