I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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