I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize