the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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