Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize