Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize