Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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