so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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