She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize