Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
