Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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