i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize