i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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