Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize