I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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