Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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