i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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