The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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