We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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