and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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