I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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