Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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