I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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