I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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