I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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