I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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