Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
