You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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