So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have fence marks all over my body
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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