i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
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You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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