I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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