my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize