I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
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Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
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He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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