You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize