I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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