I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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