My friends, they love my intelligence
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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