I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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