I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
